The Perils of Pushing 50 with Poor Eyesight

Let me preface this little tale with the explanation that when I was 20 I thought 30 was old, 40 was ancient and 50 had 1 foot in the grave!  Also, I would hear people say… just wait till you turn 40 your eyesight won’t be the same.  Not me, I thought confidently! Well guess what?  Here I am turning 50 this year and wearing magnifying glasses as a headband; just in case I need to read something.  (I still say that print is smaller than it used to be.) I don’t feel like almost 50; and how it 50 supposed to feel anyway? I certainly don’t feel like what I thought 50 was, when I was 20.

But anyway here’s the tale…. I’m driving to treat myself to a pedicure after a long day and drive past a small boutique that had just opened in town.  I remember that opening day feeling; so I turned my car around to visit their store.

I walked in to the well-stocked store but soon realize that I might be too old for most of the things in there. AND oh great it’s dimly lit - so I pull down my handy dandy always-ready reading glasses perched on my head.   So here I am like Mr. Magoo - I can’t see.. trying not to look out of place as I try to find something to buy.  I decide lipstick and nail polish would be a safe bet.  I pick up several tubes of lipstick, moisturizers, polish and such.

I purchase my goodies then make my way to relax at my pedicure.

While driving I think, “my lips are chapped, I’ll use my new stuff” so I reach in the bag for the moisturizing lipstick.  You know there’s defiantly a difference in the way we apply lipstick and chapstick.  Lipstick we make sure everything is neat and perfect and chapstick we just smear it all over with multiple coats.

So that’s what I did.  “Boy this feels smooth and silky,” I thought, so naturally I should put a little more on.   I drive a little further and think maybe I should put even more on, so -  I really slather the stuff on.

I parked, turned the car off and was just about to get out when I glanced in my rear view mirror and literally shrieked.

What I thought was moisturizing lip balm was what we had in the early 80’s called mood lipstick in changes colors once applied.  I had the brightest pinkest stuff smeared everywhere!

I looked like I had neon pink duct tape on my mouth.  I scrambled for tissues, napkins or even my sleeve - ANYTHING to try and get that stuff off.  Now here I am driving around (in personalized plates I might add.  I couldn’t deny it was me even if I tried) looking like the women with the coral lipstick all over their face, you know the ladies I’m talking about – the ones that had lipstick about a quarter of an inch around their lips.  The ones I snickered at when I was younger.

I just know everybody and their brother saw me either driving looking like I don't know what - or saw me in the parking lot looking like a crazy woman trying to get that stuff off.  I might add that even when I got the lip stuff off I had a slight stain on my face.  I bravely go in.   Call me paranoid if you want, but as soon as I walked in they stopped speaking English!  I'm sure they were saying " look at the crazy lady with pink all over her face."  

So, as I sat there trying to relax and act like nothing is wrong I thought to myself... maybe all of those corral clad lipstick wearing old ladies weren’t that at all… maybe they were just pushing 50 with poor eyesight too!